You know, for the entirety of my life I have never stuck to my ideals. Oh, there have been gym memberships, prayer journals, floss, diets, pieces of loose-leaf scribbled with this year's goals. One year I wanted to be able to do the splits. I was able to do them, for once in my life, after a gym camp some other year when I was sitting at about age twelve. I then went to Bible camp, and showed off front handsprings and groinal flexibility. Best year of my life.

Just kidding.

I've found that the best way to keep myself accountable is by not announcing what I may or may not be giving up, indefinitely, or for a "while". I find when people announce that they are this or that (waitress, Japanese, anti-abortion, raging alcoholic), it tags alongside with it all these connotations that I wish to avoid.

There are many things I desire to do in my life, many things in which I do and do not believe, and many things I wish to give up. But it seems whenever people gallivant their latest and greatest it all goes to pot. At least for me. I think I cave under the pressure. People either smiling or grimacing at my decision and I'm held accountable by whether or not I'll smile, grimace, or ignore it all. Most of the time I am not 100% or even 50% on my ideals. I'm just kind of floating from one thought and idea to the next. I mean, I'm in University. In my early twenties. Isn't that what this time is for? I can be a rock-like force of reliable energy getting closer to my fifties. Let's hope I make it that far.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't like being told what to do. Not even from myself. I think my best chance of living according to my conscience, which is what I aim to do, is by simply listening to it (brilliant, I know), and acting, as long as it might suggest I do one thing or another. As I have a high esteem for dreams, I have a high esteem for the conscience, as calloused or dead as it may have become. I find by listening to both I wind up on the right path a lot better than listening to what Sally or Joe has to say on the matter.