I like candy. Just now, I reached into a bag of Maynards (without the possessive apostrophe) Juicy Squirts, put one in my mouth, and before I had finished enjoying what was in my mouth I had an impatient hand ready with the next treat.

I talked to a friend who is in Costa Rica yesterday. Said he escaped from Edmonton due to heartbreak and being fired. Viable reasons. He said the view is great, but the water is always cold and there are a lot of bugs. That he misses the royalties of living in North America. I spouted something out about it being good to experience those conditions because we don't even realize how much we have. "Right," he said, "but I like my luxuries, thank you very much."

We can't even finish chewing before stuffing more manufactured goods into our mouths. They call that consumerism. They call us the consumerist generation(s).

I mentioned that I was reading a book. It's called Surprised By Hope by N.T. Wright. I would recommend it to anyone. The author has been making grey, flaky parts of my heart bleed red again. I just finished a chapter where a section was entitled "Justice". The biggest dilemma in our world today, he said, is the distribution of wealth. That if we aren't working toward a change, if we aren't living toward a change -- we are agreeing with it. Supporting it. We are the Nazi soldiers just doing what they were told. Years ago, he said, people didn't believe that slavery would ever be abolished. It was. And anybody who says that there isn't anything they can do about it a defeatist, has already stuck their vote in the wrong side.

A few years back I decided that I wanted to start living in accordance with my conscience. The human conscience, I believe, is linked very closely to our spirituality. I talked about this a few posts ago: how it is easily calloused or misguided, how it tells us what is right and what is wrong. I began to try to cleanse it, to listen to it.

I often think to myself: how much easier would this be if I didn't live here? If I didn't live in a place where taking twenty minute showers with 90% hot water blazing down on my naked skin, until it's as red as a rash, was even possible? When I would have to walk past a manufacturing plant where children make coffee-beans in order to brew a cup?

Who made these pants that I bought for 15 bucks? Who shaped the beads around my wrist?

I hate that I have been born into an individualistic society, and that I enjoy being alone. I hate that people are paid millions of dollars for acting, or for playing a sport. That we all have to own vehicles to take us places. That we are conditioned to care only for our families and close friends. If someone's vehicle is broken down, it's not our problem.

I remember, when I worked at an old folks home, I took two ladies for a walk. One was in a wheelchair, who I was pushing. The walking lady fell. It was terrifying. She could have broken a hip on my watch. I locked the wheels of the wheelchair and ran over to her, asking her if she was okay (more briefly than I should have) before helping her up. It was a challenge, helping her back on her feet. A man was walking down the sidewalk toward us. I don't know if he saw her fall. But I was struggling, visibly, to help her to her feet. He walked past.

We don't care about each other. We don't love each other.

And I walk past self-obsessed university students every day, self-obsessed anybodies, everywhere, and I can't stand them. I can't stand myself. But what am I doing about it? How am I evoking change? We are well aware, due to globalization, the injustices that occur. But what are we doing about them? Recycling empty Coke cans? Giving twenty dollars a month to sponsor a child to stifle the guilt? I know people who want change, who would agree with what I'm saying. But what are they doing about it?

What the hell, people? We need to do more than wear Toms.