Last night at work I brought some leftover sausage and potato. I forgot to bring any ketchup so I looked into the staff fridge and found a hefty bottle of Heinz. I picked it up to use it and written on the side of it with sharpie was:

POISON! DO NOT EAT!

I squirted a little pile on the inside corner of my tupperware and resumed eating, looking over my shoulder until I had re-applied the lid. I assumed that someone wrote that on there because they don't want someone else eating their ketchup. I can understand this phenomenon after living with roommates.

I then spent the rest of the day and night with stomach cramps that I couldn't help but attribute to the poison. What it if was poison? Did it taste like ketchup? I didn't have very much and didn't even taste it before dipping sausage and potato to conceal its taste. Isn't poison tasteless anyway? I remember coughing after my first bite. Who would put poison in the fridge? After I was rushed to the emergency room to get my stomach pumped I thought better to believe what I read on ketchup containers. Just kidding. I didn't go to the emergency room. I thought Daniel might wake up beside a bloated dead wife, like those gophers Dad used to poison under a tire and a piece of wood along side the driveway. But here I am. A little bloated, yes, but alive.

I suppose if I really were poisoned I would have gone into a sweat and my stomach cramps would have been more severe. Like James Bond. Nonetheless, reading labels is important. If they aren't true, they are subliminally true. Lesson of the week, kids.