sleep paralysis 1 0 1.

I have a sleep disorder.

I've had it for a while. I don't know if I would have ever called it a sleep disorder, but I knew something was a bit off. If you've never experienced it, you have probably heard about it. It's called sleep paralysis. During your sleep there is a period called the REM sleep state, which is the state where you have most of your dreams, and also, oddly enough, puts you in a paralized-like state. Normal sleepers go through this period of sleep with a combined unconscious body and unconscious mind, which brings you all those vivid wonderful dreams you have. The problem is when your mind becomes conscious. So your brain wakes up but your body is still paralized. It can last a couple seconds to a couple minutes. Usually the victim of this paralysis experiences severe panic and they can be accompanied by hallusinations. For instance, one may believe their eyes are opened and see dream like things in their room with them, which is much more real than a dream because your mind is awake, and you know your body is paralyzed, and all you want to do is wake up. It's a horrible experience, to say the least. I've had it at probably over a dozen times in my life, but never so severe as today. Usually, I am lying in bed and know I'm awake, and have the sensation that my eyes are open and staring around my room (they say that there can be eye movement in this REM state but I don't think your eyes can be open..) and I am trying as hard as I can to kick and scream, resulting in panic, until suddenly I wake up, usually contrarily to the position I thought my body was in with the room appearing much different than it looked when I was "looking around" paralyzed.

I got up this morning at a quarter to seven when Daniel was leaving, and when he left at 7 I hopped into the shower, knowing that I don't have to leave for school until 11 but having some studying to do, I decided to just lay in bed for half an hour. I wasn't actually that tired, but I thought it would be relaxing. Well, I fell asleep, but my alarm was set so it was okay. My alarm went off, and I decided to push snooze, just once. Bad call. This is when it started. I'll tell you of my experience.

My brain woke up. My body didn't. Normally, as I described earlier, I just have a panic occur where I try to kick and yell to wake myself up and it doesn't work. This morning, I got a hallusination. I heard, clearly, Daniel open up the outside door which has a particular creek to it, and put the key in the door, open the lock, open the door, and step inside. I wondered what on Earth he was doing back here. I opened my eyes (or so I thought), but feeling SOO drowsy I couldn't move. I wanted to ask him why he was here. He peaked his head in and looked at me, but thought I was sleeping so he didn't bother me. I heard him preparing lunch. Oh, he must have forgot his lunch. I wanted so badly to get up and talk to him, but I couldn't. I just layed there. I heard him putting his shoes on, leaving, and re-locking the door. For all I know, this actually happened.

The next few moments, however long they were, and they seemed severely long, I spent trying to wake myself up. I did the usual. Trying to scream, trying to kick, trying to talk. I was sure I could physically feel myself moving my one foot, so I moved it over and over trying to stir some kind of wakefulness. I constantly looked over at the clock. I wanted my alarm to go off so bad. Then, a horribleness occured. I thought to myself. Are my eyes even open? I hadn't ever thought that before. I'm still dreaming, I thought. My brain's awake and I'm dreaming! So I looked back at the clock, and realized no numbers were on it at all. I wanted to know what time it was. Then I knew for certain, that I was dreaming and not paralyzed except my eyes. Then I got mad at this fact, and my brain went into some weird sparatic state, and since I was dreaming but conscious, I could completely control what was in the room, and I began changing the numbers on the alarm clock, which sparatically changed to whatever I thought, which was pretty terrifying, actually.

Then BAM, I woke up with a start. I immediately looked at the normal clock. About five seconds later, my alarm went off. Thanks. I layed there for a few seconds. Now this is the tricky part. I don't know for sure if I was awake at this point. Because the oddest thing happened. Suddenly I heard beeping. Not any beeping. Most or all who read this blog watch Lost. It was the beeping from the Hatch when they weren't pushing the button. I just sat there, I think at first I smiled because I recognized it immediately. Then it kept on going. Is that some kind of fire alarm? Is something going on outside? So in a rush I got up, and ran out to the living room. But the SECOND I got past the bedroom door, it stopped. I was so bewildered. You have no idea. I turned every light on in the place and couldn't stop looking behind me, and then came on here, still bewildered, to tell the tale.

I will never trust sleep again.