I've always wished I was good at skating. I'm not. While others glide dreamlike over ice, I hold the skill level of a five year old. Sometimes I wonder if I tried hard enough if I could be good. Maybe. Maybe I missed my prime. I think about the way I've lived life. If I had the mindset and thoughts I have now I may have done it different. Well I know I would have. But I wouldn't have developed them without things going the way they had. I'm not a fan of the thought of my life being pre destined. I don't really accept the concept. But in weak moments sometimes I wish I thought it was. It would give me a lot less to think about. Knowing whatever I do it will turn out a certain way. Really, having every choice out there for me to radically shift the outcome of my life makes life a lot less doable. This is how I see it, though. Maybe, although it seems such an outrageous concept, pre destination is a utopian way of thought. Ya, I know, choice is everything to people and without it we are robots. But we would really have no worries. No what ifs. What if I hadn't gone to school, hadn't met that person, hadn't .... Or what if I had done this or that, perhaps more importantly. Because nothing would change the outcome. If pre destination is the way to be, we've essentially nothing to worry about because we are completely out of control. Choice gives control. It alters lives. It makes life hard. It causes regret, worry, stress. Freedom. With freedom comes responsibility, I guess. Just like power? Maybe freedom is a super power. I don't think we, especially I, am properly equipped to handle it. There's too many routes. I see my life a million ways. At least if I thought it was pre destined, essentially nothing matters. So although I get it, I don't get why freedom of will and choice is all the rage. It just means it's your problem you screwed up, made the wrong choice, didn't do things right. People want this. I do. Yet choice is probably the biggest dilemma, problem, source of confusion in my life. I wish I could make a choice without wondering the alternatives. Nothing is certain. One shot at life isn't enough.

Would you rather be nieve and happy and content, or know the truth and be discontent, awry and confused?

Would you rather have a ferocious snake in every toilet you use (a big one) or a scary stranger tap on your window every night forever, smiling creepily at you?