I've spent an entire day fighting with myself about opinions on what I want my life to be, what my dreams and goals are, and thinking about people who do and don't have it right. I find life the most difficult when trying to decipher what I am doing between what I could be doing. I think I spend a lot of time dwelling on the what ifs, as well as thinking about the other side of the fence with greener grass. There's always something Im desiring, it seems. Even if it's contrary. Something unreachable. It's frustrating, and confusing. I see people with such strong direction in their lives and begin to envy them. Knowing just what you want and how to get there seems great. Then I see people who don't have all the answers and have wild ambitions for non-regular things and can take off for months and seem to have this incredible freedom and choice. Then I envy them. Living life so incredibly free is probably my deepest desire. It seems to go hand in hand with loneliness though. And I hate being lonely. I've always had this fear of being "tied down", and yet i do want stability. I hate authority and being told what to and what not to do. I hate limitations. I like being able to know that if I really wanted to, I could do anything. But it seems life is not this way. I take a look at my decision making process all through life and Nothing is practical. I don't really like things practical. But without it, usually i wind up hurt over something. Half the time I can't even make decisions. I'm always scared of the wrong choices. There is so much hidden potential in everything. All life is is choice. I feel so incredibly young, yet old. Young because I have done so little, old because there's a lot I have to choose. Life long things. Marriage. Career. Those are too big choices i have already made. I want these things, desire these things, dream these things. But it "ties" and can leave me feeling scared. I hate that. Because these are things I want. I don't feel normal with these fears. Am I the only one who views life this way? Does it cripple me? Is it good or bad to always be desiring more? It's just one of those battling confusing days for me. Sometimes, I think having a brain like mine that over analyzes and thinks through things way too thoroughly is a downfall rather than an evolutionary advancement. Pretty sure, in the microevolutionary chain, I'm a weak link in this respect. Either that or some kind of mutation that will lead to revolutionizing mankind as a whole. One or the other.