Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Today, I had a good, or bad thought process about life. I always seem to compare my own feeble life to everyone around me. So and so is cooler than me, farther along in life than me, a better person than me, more socially involved than me, thinner than me, more ambitious than me, . . . The list never ends. And at the end of the day, I always fall short. There is always something better. The grass is always greener. Instead of appreciating my own grass for what it is, there's always this constant reaching, or nagging in the back of my brain. And all this ever does is make me feel even more inadequate in life than usual. It steals my confidence away so I say nothing at all unless I'm fairly sure it will be accepted or in some kind of line. But more often than not, I'm overwhelmed with the sheer idiocy of not having the faintest idea.

What's so wrong with being okay with what I have. Everything in the world screams that it isn't okay. You have to be on this constant pursuit of bigger, better, and greener things. I hate that. People throw away perfectly good things every day for this concept that does nothing except feed the system. But i don't want to just be mediocre. I had this discussion that if anyone really, REALLY wanted to be a rocket scientist that anyone could do it. That person disagreed. You have to be a born genius. But at the time I said I thought if someone wanted t bad enough they could just work hard enough until they achieved it. But now, I'm not so sure. Maybe we do have limits. Maybe all those catchy slogans of being anything and everything just aren't real. Maybe letting go of that simple concept is freeing. Do we all always have to be striving for better everything? I don't know. All I know is for me, I'm competitive. And I don't like to look stupid. But maybe somehow it's ok that I simply suck at a lot of things. Doesn't mean I can't still try. I actually have no idea what I'm trying to say. None of this makes sense, really. I might quit this blog business. I'm not talented enough at writing to amuse many, and anyone who cares simply asks. And I can try to convey with an even less eloquent action. Speech.

1 comment:

  1. i just love you.
    let's hangout sooon.
    we will hash out life.
    xo

    ReplyDelete